Sunday, March 28, 2021

34. MY MO - HIS FIRST PREMIERE

Timothy David Petersen
(my Mo)

“There was a lot taken away from us at the end of last year. Less than 24 hours before our concert, when we were supposed to perform some of these numbers, we got a call from the venue telling us they were going to have to cancel this concert.”

(Within weeks all performances of Lyceum Youth Orchestra had been cancelled.)

“One of the pieces we were supposed to perform at that concert was written by one of our own, a percussionist named Timothy Petersen.

This is entirely new music, and it’s finally, after many months, receiving its world premiere. Thank you so much for joining us… this is Timothy Petersen’s, Searching.”

                          Kayson Brown, Director, Lyceum Philharmonic Orchestra

Lyceum Philharmonic Orchestra

Tonight, in a nearly reverential audience of humans starved for the enveloping vibrations of live music, Dave and I joined others in our family in the premiere performance of our oldest grandchild’s orchestral piece called Searching. I stood at the side of the Covey Performing Arts Center music hall, trying to get a view of the percussionists in the back, those tuxedo clad fellows placed on the periphery, hidden behind the tall brown basses and thick layers of string players, whose bows raise and lower like Rockettes’ kicking legs. When Kayson introduced Timothy’s piece, the only original number in a stellar assortment of classic pieces, he had to ask him to wave his arm from the back so people in the audience could see where he was.

His slender limber little body stood behind a vibraphone, back there against the sound wall. He slid the sleeves of his suitcoat up to his elbows and grabbed his mallets. I watched and listened, breathless with the beauty, his whole young life ran simultaneously through my mind as I listened, tears working their way down the sides of my cheeks. I thought of that little boy that sang before he talked, his pitch spot on before his mouth could even form words.

When Timo was not even five years old we were at the cottage in Michigan on our yearly family vacation. I woke early in the morning to some sort of throbbing noise. “I wonder if there’s a problem with the water heater?” I whispered to Dave. We found, instead, little Timothy sitting on the floor in front of the couch, pounding on a pillow to the beat of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. For Christmas that year I gave him a pair of drumsticks.

5 years old with new drum sticks.

For his 8thbirthday I decided he needed to get some real training before he taught himself incorrect techniques. I searched the classifieds and called a number of drum teachers before I finally found one willing to take someone so young. 

“I don’t know, I’ve never taught anyone near that young.”

“Well,” I said, “If you’re willing to give it a try I can pay you ahead for one month of lessons, and if you think it won’t work, you can stop after the first lesson and keep the rest of the month’s pay.”  His name was Craig, and I am sorry to say I can’t recall his last name, because the man was life changing for our boy, and therefore life changing for us. He taught Timo the proper technique. He taught him how to hold his sticks correctly. He taught him to read music, and listen with a musician’s ear. After a few years Craig told Sarah, our daughter and Timo’s mom, that he had taught him what he could. By then I had enough friends in the music business I knew exactly who should be his teacher and mentor. Jay Lawrence agreed to take him on, and he has advanced him beautifully on his first instruments.

These two people flanking Timo deserve a standing ovation!
Bravo to parents of gifted kids!

Timo also takes piano lessons, a necessity for a composer, I would think, though I really don’t know these things. And this past Christmas Dave and I gave him an upright bass we had been saving in our studio for years. He used the bow from that new bass to draw across the metal bars on the vibraphone tonight. (Look closely in the video.)

The percussion section is always relegated to the back.
They like it there. 

Timothy is seventeen years old, a Junior at Mountain Ridge High School, and just yesterday he found out he made the high school Madrigals singing group, and Vocal Jazz group, so next year four of his class periods will be music, the other two being concert band/ marching band and jazz band. I am most thrilled about it because the incomparable Kelly DeHaan is the vocal educator at his school. I love what Kelly can offer him musically. But my heart and mind are most grateful that the spirit of Kelly DeHaan will be able to speak to the spirit of my precious boy. Kelly gets him. So does his band instructor, James Denzley. They understand he is that quirky, happy little fellow who drops his sheet music all over the floor of the music room and frantically tries to gather it as rehearsal is starting. They know his strengths and his struggles, and they not only accept it, but they embrace the whole package that is our boy, knowing that some of the finest gifts come in unique packages. Thank you Lord, for patient, tolerant, powerful teachers!

Timo and Kayson Brown.

Sitting in the audience with his family tonight were two friends. My eyes shifted over to Tyler, and I said a silent prayer of thanks for friends who are true and good and kind… friends who laugh at the same humor, who overlook bumps in the learning curve, and who make each other feel safe and important. Thank you, Lord, for true friends.

The whole concert tonight, with seven remarkable musicians being highlighted, was just so beautiful. It was hard to believe these were teenagers playing. Bravo to Kayson Brown and others who have made the Lyceum Youth Orchestra world class. 

The reality of a working musician:
Striking the stage and loading gear into trucks after the gig.
This is how friends are made.

I tiptoed up to the side of the stage when it was over, called Timo’s name, and he came and threw his arms around my neck. I held him a good long time. He let me. The memory of it brings tears to my eyes. When he was still a small baby I was struck with Guillain Barre Syndrome. For months I was unable to walk or control my limbs, because of peripheral nerve damage. While the myelin sheaths around my nerves slowly regrew, I sat in a recliner at home. Sarah was in her first year of medical school at the time, and her husband Dave was also a full time student. I often spent the night sleeping in the recliner because of restless leg pain. Sarah and Dave lived with us at that time. At sunrise, Sarah would quietly come into the room and place her baby against my chest, freshly changed and nursed, ready to go back to sleep. His warm head would tuck into my neck. I inhaled the sweet sweat of baby’s hair after he’s received his mother’s milk. In the quiet morning I could hear the whimper of his breath, feel his tiny heart beating against mine. It brought a holy kind of peace, and soon we were both sleeping in the comfort no other setting has ever afforded me so perfectly. We called it my Timo-therapy, and I know for a surety that I would not have healed so soundly without him. Tonight, as I held him on stage, and he held me with the same intensity, we were both seventeen years younger.

Feeding little Mo with a teeny pink Baskin Robbins spoon.

I realized the moment needed to end because there were people waiting. Two young men from the audience were waiting to meet him. One of them handed him a stem of wild roses. “You had the most remarkable piece! It was just the best. We can’t believe you wrote it.” They had decided to give the flowers to the piece they liked the best. Another gentleman came up to him: “You have to know, I am not one to cry, but your piece brought tears.” There were beautiful comments like that, one after the other, falling on him like a blessing from heaven.

Embracing his biggest fan... his mom.

Dave and I went to thank Kayson for selecting Timo’s piece to be performed. He was sincerely complimentary. “He needs to know he can use this recording for auditions for Julliard or Berklee.” Because of the pandemic, they live streamed the whole concert, and in the process recorded it. Then Kayson said how fun it was for him to see the orchestra members respond to the piece, and how impressed they were that it was written by that quirky little percussionist in the back. Timo has the most endearing little personality. He has a light heart, and a love and acceptance for all. It’s hard not to love him.

I was thinking tonight, on the drive home, that what we had heard tonight was newborn, too. Like that little bundle of newness Timo himself used to be, nestled there on my chest. All those notes, and non-notes. All those rhythm’s and vibrations and sustains. The melody and the harmonies and the ritards and builds and crescendo’s…all of it was new, and yet older than time. Every one of those notes has existed, probably forever. But never before have they existed together, in that holy family of composition, in the cloak of this particular performance. That’s the thing about original music. It is new birth; bathed and wrapped and fed and ready to find its place against our hearts. Our mind may or may not comprehend the science of it, but the rest of our soul can feel what it does not understand.

What lies ahead is a whole magical cloud of possibility. Who knows where Timothy may go. He has always and forever been the boy who would rather listen to movie scores than any kind of pop music. He hums it in his sleep. Regardless of the future, no one can ever remove, from us who were present, the magic of this night. A dream come true. Truly. He has heard it over and over in his head. But tonight, he felt it on his skin. And so did we.

Bravo, my precious boy!


You can watch this performance by clicking HERE and sliding up to 1:23.30 (roughly one hour and twenty three minutes into the concert.) The whole concert is fabulous, but if you only have a few minutes, slide it on up to Timo's piece. Mo is playing the vibraphone (looks like a Xylophone) and snare on this piece. What you won't see is the standing ovation after his piece.


Friday, March 26, 2021

33. HOLY WEEK - PALM SUNDAY - THURSDAY through the brush of James Tissot

Beginning this Sunday, Palm Sunday, we have the opportunity to revisit the sacred events that changed the world. Whether or not you are Christian, these events were pivotal enough to alter the way we measure time and dates. 

I've noticed a shift in society toward disbelief and skepticism. I understand it. I too have doubt and certainly questions that remain unanswered. Nonetheless, I choose to believe. It offers me hope. I challenge myself to hold to something that others talk themselves out of. The Easter season reminds me to feel the feels that led me to Jesus in the first place.

I've spent the last ten hours reviewing the art of Jaques (James) Tissot, the renowned French painter. He was known for his portraiture of refined aristocrats. At some point in his career he had a profound conversion that led him to visit Jerusalem and dedicate his future paintings to the life of Christ. He has left us with over 400 paintings depicting the life of Jesus Christ, most of which are on display at the Brooklyn Museum of Art.

PALM SUNDAY Jesus sends his disciples to Bethphage to retrieve a horse and her previously unridden foal. He mounts the foal and rides to the border of Jerusalem, where he overlooks the Holy City and weeps. Luke 19: 41-44

And beholding the city, he wept over it
Crowds of people have gathered in Jerusalem for the Feast of the passover. When they hear the miracle worker is coming into town they rush to see him. They lay their cloaks and shawls down in the street before him and wave palm leaves in praise, shouting Hosanna. Matt 21: 9-11

thE procession in the streets of Jerusalem

Pharisees warn Jesus to silence the crowds, but he refuses. Jewish chief priests warn Roman leaders of possible uprising if they do not stop Jesus before the Holy Passover begins. Mark 11:18

The chief priests take counsel together against Jesus

HOLY MONDAY Having spent the night two miles away in Bethany, Jesus and his apostles walk toward the temple in Jerusalem. On the way he is hungry, and finds a fig tree that has no fruit. His apostles hear him tell the tree no one will ever eat fruit from it again. Mark 11: 19-25
The accursed fig tree
As the enters the temple city, Jesus is angered at what he sees as desecration of a holy place. He drives the merchants who are selling their wares from the temple grounds. Mark 11: 15-17
Christ driving out them that sold and bought from the temple

Then he blesses and heals the lame and blind in the temple. The chief priests accuse him of blasphemy. Matt 21: 14-16
Jesus heals the lame in the temple
Jesus and his disciples return to Bethany that night. Matt 21:17 

Jesus goes out to Bethany at night
HOLY TUESDAY 
Jesus and his apostles return to Jerusalem. On their journey they notice the fig tree is withered. Jesus teaches his brethren about faith. Mark 11:20-26
Among the many visitors to the Holy City of Jerusalem are some Greek Gentiles, who have noticed all the commotion and ask to see Jesus. Phillip and Andrew approach Jesus with the request. John 12: 20-26
The Gentiles ask to see Jesus
Jesus replies that the hour has come for him to be glorified. He alludes to a kernel of wheat, that if it will not die it cannot sprout and produce more wheat. He appears before the crowd and calls to the Father to glorify his name. The crowd heard a voice like thunder from heaven announcing "I have glorified it, and will grorify it again." John 12: 27-33
The voice from heaven
While in the temple, the priests question the authority of Jesus. Jesus responds in parables.Mark 11:27-33
The chief priests ask "By what authority doest thou these things?

The priests continue to try and trick Jesus into condemning himself. He tells them to "Render to Caesar that which is Caesars". Matt 22:15-22
The tribute money
Jesus answers a questioning Pharasee tthat he two great commandments are Love God and Love thy neighbor. Mark 12:28-34

The Pharisees question Jesus
Jesus stops speaking in parables and lets the unrighteous leaders have it! (This basically seals his fate) Matt 23
Woe to you scribes and pharisees
Jesus taught daily from the temple. As the days progressed, so did the boldness of his declarations. Matt 23: 37-39
Jerusalem, Jerusalem
Jesus, watching people giving their offerings in the temple, witnesses a woman offering all she had. He teaches the value of a widow's mite. Mark 12:41-44

The widow's mite
Jesus spent his mornings teaching in the temple, and his evenings on the Mount of Olives.

Christ going at night on a mountain
SILENT WEDNESDAY also known as SPY WEDNESDAY
Scripture does not tell us specifically what Jesus did on Wednesday, though we do know where he was. If the place we are most comfortable and secure is our safe place, then Jesus was in his safe place in Bethany, at the home of Lazarus, Mary and Martha, his safe people. Here he received love and comfort. The power of the silence the scriptures hold in this matter is touching to me. 

Jesus at Bethany with Mary Magdalene and Martha

Meanwhile, the apostle Judas Iscariot decides to betray Jesus and approaches the chief priests. Luke 22: 1-6

Judas goes to the chief priests and sells his master


MAUNDY THURSDAY  
Jesus leaves Bethany for the last time. At the behest of their master, his apostles have secured the upper room of a home to hold the Passover Feast at sundown. He gathers with his twelve apostles around the Passover table. Luke 22: 14-16
The Jewish Passover, The Last Supper

After supper he teaches his apostles, and speaks of one who would betray him. John 13: 18-27  

The Last Supper: Judas dipping his hand in the dish
Judas leaves. After supper Jesus gathers his remaining disciples and washes their feet.  John 13:3-17

The washing of the feet
He initiates the ordinance of the Holy Sacrament. Matt 26:26-29  

The Communion of the Apostles

Jesus offers his last teaching to his most trusted disciples, leaving them with a new commandment, which supercedes the Law of Moses. Love One Another, As I Have Loved You. In essence, "Live as I have lived, and teach what I have taught."

The Last Sermon

After singing a hymn, Jesus and his remaining apostles go out to the Mount of Olives, as they have done every night this week. Jesus tells Peter he will soon disown his master. Specifically, three times. Peter declares "Never!" All the disciples claim they would never leave their master. (I like to think that perhaps Christ was telling Peter he "must" deny a relationship with Christ, so that his gospel could move forward. I imagine that when this was fulfilled, Peter was broken-hearted at what he had to do, but was not necessarily unfaithful in his deed.) Matt 26:30-35

St. Peter Protests: Although all shall fall away, yet I will not

As they approach the Mount of Olives, Jesus begins to feel a great troubling. He asks his apostles to wait and pray for him, and then takes Peter, James and John in to the edge of the Garden of Gethsemane. He asks Peter, James and John to keep watch for him. He travels on alone, then falls to the ground, overwhelmed. He calls to his Father, "Abba, please remove this cup from me."  And then, "Nevertheless, Thy will be done." Mark 14: 32-36

My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, unto death

Collapsed under the weight of his suffering, Christ bleeds from every pore. He receives angelic comfort. Luke 22: 41-44
Jesus in agony in the Garden
Three times Jesus rises and goes to his three disciples, who have fallen asleep. He asks them if they could not watch with him one hour?  (in this I suspect He is calling to all of us to try a little harder to rise above our human instincts) Mark 14: 37-42

You could not watch one hour with me
Leading a large band of people, including guards and soldiers, Judas comes to the Mount of Olives. He indicates which of the disciples is Jesus by kissing his cheek, pretending to greet him as a friend. John 18: 2-3 & Matt 26: 48-50
Judas betrays Jesus with a kiss

The crowd takes Jesus. Peter tries to protect him by drawing his kife. Hecuts off the ear of one of the servants of the high priest, whose name is Malchus. Jesus restores the ear to the servant's head. This would be his last miracle... performed for an "enemy". Luke 22: 50, 51  

Jesus heals Malchus, the high priest's servant

The apostles flee (perhaps at the request of Jesus). Peter and John secretly follow him to see where they are taking him. John 18:15
St Peter and St John follow from afar

TO BE CONTINUED - GOOD FRIDAY THROUGH EASTER SUNDAY WILL BE POSTED ON THEIR RESPECTIVE DATES this coming week.

A bit about the painter:
Born in France, James Tissot (1836 - 1902) was a well respected and successful painter in Paris and London in the mid to late 1800's. While visiting the Church of St Sulpice he experienced a spiritual vision, after which he abandoned his former subjects and embarked on an ambitious project to illustrate important events from the New Testament. He travelled to the Middle East to examine the landscape, architecture, historical sites, architecture, human attrubutes, historic costumes and customs of the Holy Land. He took photographs and made exquisite notes and sketches about all of these. Tissot would be one of the first to depict holy scenes as historically accurate as well as emotionally moving.

James Tissot

Thursday, March 25, 2021

32. ENTROPY


The problem in working from home is you never really leave work. Many people know this, and many people live this. When you have a brain that works, or doesn’t work, like mine, you spend a good bit of energy trying to figure out what you should be doing in your job that day. I envy the friends I know who have the ability to prioritize and accomplish without hardly even thinking about it. I pivot from task to task, even when I make a plan…even when I’ve taken my ADD meds…even when I have deadlines. I am just so dang easily distracted. 

People who do not struggle with attention issues will tell you to deal with things immediately as they arise. “Touch once” they will say, alluding to the concept of putting things away immediately or only touching a piece of paper once, so that you don’t have piles all over the place. Take care of things as they come up.

If I do that, I never really accomplish anything big. I HAVE to leave that pan on the counter, and that sock on the floor as I am walking by, because if I change my focus I will never get back to what I was attempting to do in the first place. If you wonder why I am sometimes able to take on big projects, it’s because I am willing to live with a mess. I lucked out… and I am quite serious about this… because I married a guy who will not only abide my messes, he celebrates what I accomplish amid them. 

The storm before the calm:
I hand dipped little beeswax candles to attach
to the bottled honey from the hives in our yard.


The end product.
We gave these to neighbors as Epiphany gifts this year.
It took some real elbow grease to get the drips of beeswax off my wood floors.

I remember the first time my scientist brother explained the law of entropy to me, in simplified language. It included words like disorder, work, heat, constraint… these all have scientific terms, but he used the kindergarten version so I could understand. He’s good to do that for me. It is one of his talents to make science understandable to a layman.

It sort of boiled down to the fact that the laws governing our sphere of being say that things, without constraint, will by nature move into a state of apparent disorder, and if we want to return them to a state of order we have to apply work (heat). At least that’s how my preschool level of thinking understands it. None of us humans particularly like this law.

I was thinking about it this morning, as I scanned the countertops in my kitchen. They had been picked up and polished just the other day, and now…YIKES! They are in desperate need a little “heat application”.

I set about picking up the random items that found a home on those countertops and got distracted by the bag of Annaheim peppers waiting to be roasted. The peppers are now all black skinned and steaming in their constrained space and the rest of the counters are a mess. Its OK. It all needs to be done at some time or another. I’ve left the kitchen to do my daily writing exercise. Out of sight…not out of mind.

As I sit here clicking away on my laptop computer I’m pondering the law of entropy. I wonder if it applies in Heaven? I wonder if it applies in other universes? Is entropy part of the divine gift of choice that God gave us when he decided we could have an earth and bodies and freedom to choose for ourselves? When I read in scripture of God’s space having perfect order, I instinctively imagine it having zero chaos, complete calm, and no frenetic energy buzzing around. I frankly have no proof of this. In fact, if I think deeper, I imagine lots of energy in God’s space. Lots of work going on there. If there is order, It’s because we choose order, and are comfortable working to keep it that way. (It makes my brain tired and I want to go find something to eat.)

For whatever reason, there is a law which causes our earthly existence to require work. We have to work, and wishing we didn’t just makes us unhappy. It’s the nature of life. Knowing that gives me a tiny measure of resignation, which is good, because my soul tends to be a bit rebellious. If I know my daily existence is founded upon the need to work, then I guess I’ll trudge on. 

It may not be my gift. It may frankly be one of my crosses to bear, this battle between order and disorder. But knowing it’s part of my life plan makes it somehow more bearable.

My brother's understanding of the law of entropy.


My understanding of the law of entropy.





31. MY ANCHOR

When I Google searched "anchor runner"
this is what I got.


For the first time in a year we had an honest to goodness person-to-person activity tonight with the Relief Society and Young Women in our church. It was a small group, just our adult RS and YW presidencies and the oldest teenage girls in our congregation. The bishop was the lone papa bear among us. We played some fun games, wearing our masks and celebrating that many of us are vaccinated, and chatted for a minute about how old ladies are just young girls in wrinkly overgrown bodies. It was divine to do something that resembled a normal social gathering.

It felt like a piece of heaven to gather
in a cluster of humans tonight.


Sixteen-year-old Sierra Yerman came in late, apologizing because she had a track meet.

“How was it? “I asked.

“Great!” she answered, then added, “I even got a PR." She said it so matter-of-factly that the rest of the conversation among the ladies let it slip by, but I noticed and gave a whoop. She joined in with the other conversation and let it slide, but I celebrate her and the fact that she achieved a personal record today. Sierra is a girl who I predict will have many more personal bests in her future. A few of them will be in track. Some will be in mountain biking. Some will be academic.  Some will involve spiritual goals. But most, I suspect, will be in races she does not yet even realize she will run. She is just a stellar soul.

Sierra Yerman killing it on the mountain for
Farmington High School Team Phoenix


Ironically, just this morning I finished reading a book about Sierra’s grandfather, Jack Yerman, and a few of his remarkable life achievements. Sierra comes by her gifts genetically.

Jack Yerman is a man of diverse talents. He played college football at UC Berkley (Rose Bowl 1959) and he earned a Gold Medal in the Rome Olympics (1960), breaking the world record in the 4 by 400 relay. He held a number of records for a long time. The book, beautifully written by his oldest son Bruce, only tells a portion of his life. Logic and experience tells me that the most meaningful part of Jack Yerman probably came after the Rose Bowl ring and Olympic Gold Medal. I have a personal bias for the part that includes the birth and life of his son Blake, who moved up the street from us when he took a job as an ER Doctor here in Utah. Blake was smart enough to marry the young, bright and beautiful Kathryn Safsen, who bore five of the coolest kids I know. So I guess we all owe a lot to Jack Yerman.


My brother and husband both ran relay in high school and college. The concept of a relay race is intriguing to me, because it involves as much psychology as athletic prowess. I don’t know much about it, truthfully, but I know that there are four runners, they carry a baton which they hand off to each other, there is a strong lead off runner (that’s what Jack was) and an anchor runner, the one who runs the last leg.


A few years back another neighbor, Ted Gardiner, gave a stellar talk in our church Sacrament Meeting. The topic was Jesus Christ, the central theme of all Sacrament Meetings in our church. But the story that led us to understand Jesus a little better involved Ted’s experience running the 4 by 440 for Davis High School, back in the day. Ted related that he was good enough to be on the relay team, and that team won State his senior year. But the thing Ted believed made them a championship team was their anchor runner. I don’t recall his name, but he ended up having a stellar career beyond high school. 

The basic strategy in this particular race is that the strongest runner on a team takes the anchor leg. He or she is able to analyze, at rapid speed I might add, the lay of the land as the race progresses. They take the baton and use all their power to make up the difference, if necessary, or nail down a lead already in place. Ted said they were good, but essentially they never would have won without their anchor.

Then he read us this scripture:

Hebrews 6: 19,20

“This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us….” 

I have always thought of the Savior and his Gospel as a big old heavy metal anchor, sitting there at the bottom of the stormy sea, holding my rocking ship in a safe harbor. And that image works. 


Jesus as a still and stable and solid holder is sweet. But I get goosebumps thinking of Jesus as a powerful, well trained, focused runner, anchoring the race in which I am a team member. He uses his wits to analyze where I stand in the race, and just as it feels like I might lose, he kicks his feet and pulls us ahead to the finish line.


Some days I am a sluggish rickety old boat trying to stay afloat in roiling waters. But I like to think of myself with a little more strength, a bit more passion, as if my legs are trying to keep up with my will. That version of myself feels more true, at least more desirable. But I know my limitations, regardless of my righteous desires. I’ll give it my all. But I know it won’t be enough.  

We all need a good dependable anchor.

I trust the hand that takes the baton and carries me over the finish line.

He carries you, too.