2024/32 THE BIRTHDAY HAT

I knew a woman who, because of her religious beliefs, did not celebrate birthdays. I myself belong to what appears to be a somewhat quirky religious denomination, so I get it, but I’m sure glad we celebrate birthdays. They are a chance to let someone be set apart just for existing on this earth. Birthdays are beautiful because no one has to do anything to earn the right to be celebrated. That makes birthdays Godly to me.

At our house, back in the day, the birthday kid got breakfast in bed. There seemed to always be a large box of presents, each of them individually wrapped, mailed from Gramma Connors who lived back east. She sent massive doses of love in the shape of toys, books and art supplies. Every kid got presents, but the birthday kid got the most. This is who David’s mother was. Birthday kids did not get parties every year. I think we settled on every three years, maybe every other year, I really can’t recall. But I was consciously trying to help them learn not to expect a big “to do” every single year. It would make the reality of life feel like the end of the moving sidewalk when they hit adulthood and they were not the center of attention. The family always celebrated, of course, but a friends party was not a given and was not to be expected. There was almost always a home-made randomly decorated chocolate cake we lovingly refer to as “garbage cake.” Always an overly loud and ridiculously dragged out three-part-harmony version of Happy Birthday to You while the candles on the cake dripped onto the frosting. After someone turns twenty the number of candles on the cake becomes random. We kind of know by now who wants a soft middle piece and who wants a corner and who only wants ice cream. These little tidbits are the secret indicators that we truly understand each other after repeated interactions. 

If you're having a birthday at our house, you're gonna be handed a hat. Our clan has always had a birthday hat. Multiple hats for shared birthdays. When the kids were small it was a crown made of satin white with shiny silver trimming. Then there were those silly hats that had fabric candles sticking out of the top, like a cake. We’ve had berets. tiaras jester hats and lately cute vintage French clown hats. Your birthday gives you permission to feel loved without reservation. We all need to feel love without reservation.

 

 

For Kate’s birthday this last December we had a miniature party. Everything was teeny, except for the people. We had teeny treats and teeny cakes with tiny penguins in miniature party hats. We made mini gingerbread houses. All her gifts were miniature. Her nieces and nephew made mini birthday hats for all of us to wear.

This morning I looked over at our statue of Jesus, a wonderful original piece by our dear friend J. Kirk Richards. There was our Jesus, the central figure in our family, wearing the birthday hat. Someone in my crazy clan must have put it on him at Sunday dinner. 

I’m thinking, while it may not be the most reverential depiction of who Christ was, it is also not necessarily unfounded. He has been central in all we do. He has ridden the sorrowful waves of grief and depression throughout our lives. He has guided us through the unknown of personal conflict, as well as a very public pandemic. He hears my words of joy and gratitude as well as my frustrations and anger. So, I have no doubt he is also here with us when we sing out hearts out, using our diaphragms and fullest voices to celebrate each other individually. Hooray that you exist, we sing! And I imagine he would be singing along with us, his arms around us in the circle as we throw our heads back and sway to the beat.

I can’t help but think that, in some moment of lightness that is not irreverent but is also not heavy with grief, he is preparing to celebrate his own birth. He has had multiple births, like us. A birth of spirit. Then a birth of body. But the biggest one, the most recent one, the one that changed everything for all of us was the birth that conquered death. We all celebrate that one. 

Easter.

Happy re-birth day, Jesus!

(You are loved without reservation.)