Confessions of an Organizationally Challenged
Troubadour
by Cori Connors
(Disclaimer 1: If you can
see the countertop in your kitchen, or your floors have been vacuumed once a
week the last year or so, or you can park your car in the garage and open the
doors without hitting something, YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ THIS! Everyone
else…welcome to my world!
Disclaimer 2: I don’t
always follow my own rules. But I know
they work for me.)
Ask me to organize
words and music, and I’ll work on it for hours.
Assign me to organize people or events and I’m willing and able. But ask me to organize my house and you’ll
get a blank stare.
It never was
natural to me, just ask my mom. When Dave requested my hand in marriage (mind
you I was 18 years old) my mom said “Sure.” (He was Dave Connors, after all!)
“But you’re going to have to hire a housekeeper.” I was so offended.
She knew then what
I know now. Mom’s are that way. Now, decades later, if my kids come into the
house and the kitchen is cleaned up and the floor mopped they will inevitably
ask, “Are we having company?”
I’ve always felt a
little odd, especially when I compare myself to my amazing neighbors. And I guess I would be right, I do suffer from
ODD: as in Organizationally Disabled Disorder.
Since I have survived
over half a century, in spite of my disorder disorder, I have figured out a few
things which, when I remember to remember them, considerably enable me to
function better. Go ahead, take a gander.
If you are challenged, as I am, you might identify. And if you are like many of my friends who
also have beautiful yards and clean fridges, at least you’ll get a glimpse of
how your world might be if the good Lord had not gifted you with your natural
sense for order.
Here, (in no
particular order), are my personal rules for organizational survival for ODD
balls:
People before things: Rule number one. Take care of your people
before your things. As a young mother I had to make this little rule for
myself. It came after moving into an
affluent neighborhood, where everything appeared pretty Oz-like to me. I got sucked into the vacuum of comparing
myself with others. I ended up not
liking myself, in much the same way as I don’t like myself when I’m on a
diet. When I’m dieting all I can think
about is food. When I was trying to make
my palace sparkle that’s all I could think about as well. I don’t recall what circumstance led to the
creation of this personal rule for me, but I do remember which house I lived in
and about how old I was. It was decades
ago. I think I was PTA president at the time. Now, if I am in the middle of
loading the dishwasher or folding laundry and someone needs me, or I sense
someone needs my help, I pause for a minute, say a little prayer for
confirmation, and inevitably leave my task.
I can hear a little voice in my head saying “It’ll still be here when
you get back”. I literally say to myself, regularly…people before things.
Rule of 3 / Rule of 10/ Rule
of 1:
Rule of 3: If, as I am headed to the shower, I notice
that stray sock on the bathroom floor, I can walk past it once. I can even let it slide the second time. But if I make note of it three times, then
it’s time to pick it up. I call it the
Rule of 3. My mom used to say, “Do what
you need to do to get it out of your brain!” If something takes brain space
that often, then I suppose it’s the Holy Spirit of Order nudging me to take
care of it. I am, after all, a steward over all this stuff. We all need to be
able to cut ourselves some slack, and for those of us who literally suffer from
ADD, we need to be able to stay focused on our tasks, which means we have to
step over socks sometimes. But if
something “speaks to me” three times, I take that as a signal to address it and
get it taken care of.
Rule of 10: When faced with something like the mountain
of items lining the periphery of certain rooms (which if I squint my eyes sort
of looks like the Wasatch Mountain Range), or the pile of papers on the
counter, try the Rule of Ten. Take care
of ten items. That’s it. You don’t have to move the whole mountain,
just a nice little piece of it.
Rule of 1 - Everything you do is something
done: If I can’t even bring
myself to take care of 10 items, I resort to this rule. I repeat this mantra: Everything you do is something done. Physically touch one thing, and don’t put it
down until it is where it belongs. It’s motion in the right direction.
Emotional Time vs. Real Time: We
ODD people swing back and forth between being perfectly fine with the way we
live and beating ourselves to an emotional pulp! I finally realized that,
though I may have the real time to accomplish something, my emotional time may
be spent. I especially notice that we
judge each other according to our real time situation, yet we have no idea what
kind of savings are left in the emotional time bank. My friend may have a few
hours in the day where she is not required to do any particular task. And yet she has been dealing with non-stop
company, an exceptionally challenging family matter, financial worries, and
maybe even a good dose of PMS. Her emotional time is totally spent. So cut her some slack…and she should cut
herself some slack. She may have hours
on the clock, but her emotional time is gone, and she will need to have a
chance to replenish by allowing herself to be still.
Find your groove: If my emotional time and my real time are
not at odds, and I have a little pocketful of each, then I start talkin’! I have this conversation with myself about
how great it’s going to feel to have a little order in my space, and how much
I’m going to like myself cuz I did something I’m not that good at. So I gear up: get my work clothes on and my
shoes laced up. Lift the shades on the windows,
maybe even open them for some fresh air.
I force my brain to make a semi-plan about where I’m going to start
(there are so many options in an ODD house). I gather my tools, and set the music! For me it’s Carole
King’s Tapestry album. Like I said, I’ve
lived half a century already. Carole
King spoke to me in a big way when I was 14 years old. She made me feel empowered from those first
low bass notes she pounded out on the piano…followed by the syncopated flow of
music and words…”I feel the earth…move…under my feet….” The music makes me want to move. It sets the pace for me, energizes me, and
pretty soon I am accomplishing the impossible to the groove of Natural
Woman. Find your own empowering music
and get in the groove.
For those of us with focus problems, we need to sieze the moment when we are in the groove and move forward without distraction. People who don't suffer from attention deficit don't understand how hard it is to keep yourself focused. So if your ODD friend has trouble sticking to her task, don't disturb her by asking her do something even small and menial. Once the focus is gone its really hard to get back.
“What would Helen do?”: When my mother-in-law, Helen, was killed
suddenly in a car accident, we all had to shift the gears of our hearts in
order to function. Dave’s family all
lived back east, and we were thousands of miles away in the west. One day Dave’s little sister, Chelle called
me from the grocery store in Pittsburgh. She was now the one who handled the
shopping and cooking, in spite of being young and having never done it before. “Cor, how do you know which bananas are
good?” If you’ve never had to purchase
bananas you are full of all sorts of self doubt. I made logical suggestions, but it’s kind of
hard to walk someone through over the phone.
Finally I said, “Pretend you’re Mom.
Which ones would she pick?”
When I am feeling
wholly incapable of organizing my personal space, I turn my head to the people
I know and love who are good at it, and I pretend to be them. Sorting through the clothes that are smashed
together on the rack in my closet, I pretend to be my daughter-in-law, who has
no problem letting go of things.
Organizing my jewelry, I imagine I’m my sister and hear her voice whisper,
“Now remember not to mix the gold with the silver”. ODD people are often good
at pretending, being creative by nature.
So embrace that gift and pretend to be someone organized once in a
while.
The measure of its creation: I ask myself, when trying to decide if
something is destined for the DI, “Has this item filled the measure of its
creation for me?” If I’ve benefitted
from having it, and I don’t really need it any more, then it has served its
purpose and can now be released. I thank
it for its service, give it a little kiss or a hug, and let it move on.
If you can get it at DI; give it to DI: I think I need to remember this more often.
If my basement is chock full of stuff that I think I (or someone else) might
need one day, then maybe it’s time to rethink what my space is worth. If there is something that is regularly
available at DI, and I need it only once in a blue moon, then I should give my
copy of that item to DI and go buy another one from DI when I need it. (Chances are, I won’t need it.)
All Things are Spiritual: D&C
29:34…Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things to me are spiritual.
I take this
scripture as a comfort. All my struggles, not just the ones that involve
reading scripture and attending the temple, are important to Him. He wants to help me. My success is His success. So it is by all means appropriate for me to
ask Him to help me know how to clean and organize my house. It is good to give this aspect of my life
emotional weight in my pondering and prayer.
When I quit beating myself up about it, and I pause and ask for His
help, ideas come into my head that lead me forward with purpose. It is a
healthy exercise to ask the Lord to show us our weaknesses. He will show us in a much more gentle way
than the world will show us. Then, as
promised, I think He can and will make our weaknesses our strengths. First,
though, it takes a willingness to focus, to ask, to listen, and to act. And, as in all of life, repetition is
essential. I am working on repeating this prayer more often.
For Valentines Day,
instead of going out and getting my true love a token of my affection, I
evidenced my love by cleaning and organizing his shelves in our bedroom closet.
He loved it! And so did I, when I was
done. It sure took a lot of self talk,
and repeated prayers to remain focused. But, by golly, I did it! Now I just
need to remember to repeat my success J
One last note. Make friends with this website: www.flylady.net. Read her article on CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone
Over Syndrome). Uh Huh…she knows!
Let's say there is a random sock lying
in the middle of my bedroom floor. Let's say, on my way to the bathroom, I look
down at the sock and say to myself, “I should pick that up.” But I'm on my way
to the bathroom and that can sometimes be urgent. Later I'm walking through my
room again and I notice the sock. Again, I think I should pick it up, but
frankly I don't feel like it. The next time I pass the sock on my bedroom floor
-- the third time -- I am required to pick it up and put it where it belongs.
My reasoning is, if that item has taken up so much brain space that I've
thought of it three times, then I need to deal with it and get it out of my
head. I recognize that not every thought that comes into my head needs to be
acted upon right away. But if it's come to my attention three times, then it needs to be
dealt with. That's the Rule of 3.
