31. THE GIVE AND TAKE OF LOVE

 This year I have roughly forty guitar students. I love all of them.  But I do have a favorite.  Sorry everyone else, (even the ones who feel like family cuz they’ve taken from me for years.) My favorite this year is Sophie Connors. She’s my oldest granddaughter. No one would blame me for calling her my favorite guitar student!

She takes my most advanced class, which ends on Thursday nights at 8:00. We close up shop and leave together, Sophie and I.  I drove her to her house after class.  We talked about school, and dance, and friends.  I pulled into her driveway and she turned to me, and in a most serious fashion declared; “You know, I deeply love … donuts!”  I told her I know.  She slid the strap of her gig bag over her shoulder . ”Yes, I do love donuts.  And … Gummy… and…. french fries!”  Then she danced her way to her front door, wiggled her hips, and disappeared.

I drove away, thinking about how much I adore her, how much I adore every single one of my grandchildren. 

All the way to my house I ruminated on the thought of the love exchange between my grandkids and me.  It struck me that years ago I yearned to have my grandkids love me.  I snuggled and sang and fed and played, thinking it would win them over and they would love me.  But I realized, driving home tonight after playing guitar with my almost-teenager grand daughter, that I’ve changed my perspective. It matters more to me now that she feel my love.  I need her to know I love her, more than I need her to give her love to me.  I think I might be maturing.

It changes things when you can point to your objectives in the give and take of love.  I have discovered, thank goodness, that giving is considerably more satisfying, a lot less risky, and provides a greater sense of calm than the worry over receiving. 

The same goes for the concept of gratitude.  Beware of giving things to others for the sake of receiving thanks or recognition.  I began years ago telling myself, in actual words at times, that I was taking this dinner to someone - or helping someone with a problem - or any other kind of service, because it needed to be done.  Not because the recipient needed to know it was me who gave it to them, though I am not opposed to others knowing that I care for them.  Do what you do because it needs to be done.

So there you go, my HOPE for today: In matters of love; aim to make others feel loved before you aim to get love from them.  In the amazing mathematics of eternity, it usually happens that those we love deeply and sincerely eventually end up loving us.

As for Sophie, she might always love donuts and French fries, but they are never going to love her back the way her Gummy can. 

PS – tonight Sophie was a finalist in the Regional Science Fair.  She’s good at more than guitar.  Yay Soph!