Yesterday, as Dave and I were driving somewhere, I emptied a bottle of Coke into my Stanley cup. When the last of the sweet brown foam was shaken into my metal cup I replaced the red lid on the bottle top and nonchalantly tossed the empty bottle into the back of the car. Dave giggled without even taking his eyes off the road. I can guarantee you both of us were thinking of our friend Marsha, and with the thought our love for her increased.
Years ago, when Marsha was still alive, I picked her up at her house. She crawled into the passenger seat with her purse and a fountain drink in her hand. Somewhere along the way she finished her drink, and while we were talking she just tossed that empty plastic cup in the back of my car. I looked over at her, my eyebrows lifted, and she realized what she had just done. "Gosh, sorry! I thought I was in my own car." Apparently when your own car rarely carries back seat passengers you can use that empty space to store stuff as long as you want. Now I'll be driving along in my van and, in memory of my beloved friend Marsha, toss an empty pop bottle into the back seat. It tickles my fancy every time and carries my heart right back to my beloved and dearly missed friend.
I've been thinking this morning about friendship.
You know you are comfortable with someone when you can fall asleep in their presence. Or, when someone falls asleep in your presence and its obvious they have a sleeping disorder you can tell them to get that checked. That's how you know you're a friend. And if you go so far as to find a doctor and get them there you may be related to them as well.
My daughter Sarah once said "I hope Libby doesn't think she actually looks like that." This was in reference to a photo. If you're not particularly photogenic a real friend will tell you that you look better in real life. It's a relief, really.
A safe friend will hold your secret for you so you don't have to carry it alone. Every once in a while you may ask her if she remembers, and a nod is enough. She is willing to keep that secret secret.
If she loves you and has hurt you, a friend will acknowledge with tenderness that you have been wounded, she has been part of it, and she is sorry. She will understand if you are unable to forgive just yet. But being willing to apologize without having to give big long explanations or reasons means she loves you and she loves herself.
You can be true friends and not have funny bones in the same spot. However, the people who laugh at the same warped humor that tickles your fancy are pretty special.
I am partial to the friends who will offer to go hit someone who has hurt me. These are the friends who we know will not generally go do that. But the offer is always appreciated.
I've always loved the story from the Holy Bible, where Moses tells Joshua to be brave and take his men to fight Amalek and his army. Moses, Aaron and Hur went up the hillside overlooking the battle. As long as Moses held his staff over his head, Joshua's army prevailed. But soon his arms grew weary. Aaron and Hur brought a stone to him, upon which he could sit. Then they were able to hold the arms of Moses so he could hold the staff. They didn't insist on taking the staff from him and holding it themselves. They knew he had to hold it himself. But they did use their ingenuity to figure out how to help him carry it himself. True friends do not remove our struggles from us. But they offer to help us hold them. They also understand if we don't want help.
You don't have to be in each other's space constantly to be a real friend. This is a mistake many young people make, thinking it's all or nothing. My friend Gailyn visited a few days before my Christmas concert last year. We hadn't seen her in many years. And yet it was as comfortable as ever to hand her a pair of scissors and ask her to cut ribbon. I've noticed, for me, a good friend isn't constantly asking how she can help. She has a sense that I will tell her when I need her.
I just texted my friend Erin to ask how I can help with her son's mission farewell. She said they are already set. I objected, as friends will do. But when she said, again, that they are set, I let it be. Some people will say a true friend will show up with something anyway. But sometimes a friend is just as true when they understand you really are ok without their help. Love, and the offer, are enough.
A friend will let you evolve. They will not insist that nothing should change. And when things do shift and morph, and maybe it becomes a little less comfortable, a friend will still love and pray for you even if you don't know it or even want to know it. Eternal friends have a long time to make up... like maybe even a thousand years from now. Bridges of friendship are built of stone, not wood, and they may become impassable for a while, but they do not burn.
There are countless examples of friendship, and the same number of ways to be friends on all sorts of levels. At whatever measure, we are placed here on this planet to weave ourselves into each other. We are not designed to live solitary lives. We take turns being the warp and the weft.
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| The fabric of friendship. |
